So, I have been having quite a tough time lately; I’m a fairly private person and so I am not going to go into all the gory details but I just wanted to discuss the way I am feeling and see if any of you have any advice?
It began a few months ago when I noticed I was just generally feeling a little bit ‘down’. So I started doing some bits and bobs to boost my spirits; fancy bath bombs, favourite movies, seeing my friends… but none of it worked. Then I thought I should do other things to improve my mood – put in even more effort with work, improving relationships, improving the quality of my YouTube videos, and making new friendships. These did improve my mood slightly, but only in the short-term even though I was receiving the positive outcomes of the aforementioned actions for many weeks later.
Then the tears started.
I began crying on a daily basis. Crying about nothing.
The thoughts in my head were of self-loathing, self-pity and then guilt because so many people have it so much worse than I do and so I would begin the cycle again. Self-loathing because I was such an awful person to feel I have any hardships, then self-pity at being so horrible to myself, then guilt for being such an ungrateful person and right back round to self-loathing.
The tears and the cycle above continued for a couple of months and then… nothing.
I felt numb. All the time. Nothing made me genuinely smile, nothing made me genuinely sad, or angry, or anything.
I am now stuck in a bit of a stalemate of all of the above, mixed in with irritation at other people for no reason.
Do any of you know what this could be? Stress? Just a little phase that lasts for a few months? If you have any advice on how I can get out of this mode, that would be much appreciated.
Thanks for listening to a crazy fool everyone!